On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
