I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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