I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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