you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
