Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
