My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
