I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
