I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
