it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
