theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
