so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
