My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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