you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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