Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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