Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
