Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it because I queefed?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
