A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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