dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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