dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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