So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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