I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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