there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
pop tarts are not kleenex
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
