I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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