i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
