apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
