He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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