Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
