Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
