Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My cat gives me a boner
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
