I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
