Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
