i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
