The maid of honor just puked.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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