the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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