She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
