after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
