don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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