im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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