I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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