Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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