Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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