I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
