My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
