I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
