This is not my ceiling
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
