i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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