Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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