I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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