Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
