Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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