So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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