she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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