so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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