Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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