I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
