I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
