marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
