based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize