I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
