At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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