I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
