We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
