Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
