You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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