I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
