I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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