I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
